And then it was out of my mouth before I had even realised I thought it.
“Will you be my boyfriend?”
Aaron stopped, dropped his paper and stared at me. He was in shock.
On the other side of the table I had gone into panic mode and was measuring out the distance from the table to the door, you know, should I want to run….
Then finally, after what felt like 24 hours, he blinked, his eyes went red and he got up out of his chair, came towards me (still not saying anything) and kissed me. Long, slow and full of love. I could feel everything in that kiss. Then he pulled away and said “well does that answer your question”. I giggled.
We were a couple again *swoon*. Then I confused him by asking the date… he looked at me like – what the fudge do you need the date for right now? But he got out his phone anyway and told me it was the 20th of April and I told him this would be our anniversary. *swoon again – but this time it was his turn*.
The remainder of our trip was basically an array of sickly sweet public displays of affection and an embarrassing, cheek hurting grin that didn’t leave my face (or his) for about 12 hours…bloody Norah! Haha.
And then it was time to go and we left before 7am the next morning. Aaron had an early flight back North. We were pretty sad to be leaving our magical retreat, this retreat had saved our relationship. It had highlighted the love we had and how much we enjoyed each others company. We had re-connected on both a physical and emotional level and everything had been laid out on the table. We had both promised to continue working on us, keep moving forward and definitely come back annually – as a minimum.
So I dropped Aaron at the airport, only to find he read his ticket wrong and actually had an afternoon flight. Doh! So we headed back to my apartment to chill before heading BACK to the airport again and I have to say, walking back into my apartment was a reality SLAP! It was then that the high of our trip started to wear off and I started to slide into sadness. Now that we were back together, I didn’t want Aaron to leave. I didn’t want to go back to a long distance relationship. I also still had absolutely zero idea of what I was going to do with my life from here?
Its safe to say…it was a very lonely night 😦
The following day, I tried to wake up some what positive that I would start tackling some of my problem areas. Thankfully the past 4 days in Maleny had switched off my brain to all those underlying bills and money issues that I had (or in better words the lack of money I had), but that didn’t mean they weren’t still there….and soon they would crumble me.
My main problem was rent. I had contacted my real estate just before I left for the retreat and explained my situation. They had given my 14 days to rectify my arrears (yep, I had fallen behind) and then they would unfortunately have to issue a notice of intention to leave – I can see what you are thinking here…what? They should at least give me a few more chances, but you see I had fallen behind before and well, I had already used up all my last chances. There was nothing they could do, and no one I could ask for help.
So, I had 10 days until I would be receiving a notice of intention to leave. I was going to be evicted.
I had just lost my job and now I was losing my home.
So I went into a dark hole. No one knew how bad it had really gotten. Then after another “It will be fine babe” from Aaron, I snapped. I broke down and told him EVERYTHING. It wouldn’t be fine. Not right now. I had no money, I had overdue bills flowing out of my ears and I was being evicted. And before I lost my job, I was already battling to stay on top. I never expressed this to anyone though, not really, I just continued to live a life I couldn’t afford and tried to keep up with everyone else around me. So I wouldn’t miss out. So I could still fly north and see my long distance boyfriend or fly south and see my family. So I could still buy that work dress or attend that night out. My FOMO (fear of missing out) had cost me more than I knew…
Because I wasn’t honest with anyone, but worse of all, I wasn’t honest with myself.
Then over the next week with the help and advice of my boyfriend and parents – who I also told what was going on, we hatched a plan. I was going to put my stuff into storage, apply for Centerlink and then I would keep applying for jobs and depending on where I got a job, I would live with either Aaron (in Moranbah) or my parents (in Brisbane) but for now, I would head to Moranbah with my car and stay with Aaron for a while after I moved out of the apartment.
So I started to pack. My bestie had recommend a storage unit to use and also amazingly managed to get me a discount on my 1st month, (since she had already used them before). The storage unit also let you rent their trailer for free on the first day you moved in (thank god!). I was slowly getting sorted. I asked my Dad for help, booked the trailer, orgainsed what date I would move out and then Aaron flew down to help too (after I broke down and asked him to come).
Side Note: Until writing this blog, a total of 4 people knew about this situation (my parents and my boyfriend). Anyone else, I was dreadfully ashamed to tell the truth too (even my best friend). So I lied and told them I had broken my lease.
Then the day finally came, the end of my 14 days and also the day I was moving out. Behind the scenes I was a mess. I didn’t let anyone else know that though.
About half way through the day, I gave the real estate a call (since I still hadn’t heard from them – weird). Thankfully my property manager was available and I explained that I hadn’t been able to come up with the arrears and I understood that I would need to vacate, but not to worry I was moving out that day and had booked the carpet clean and bond clean (to which my boyfriend would help me pay for). Here I was thinking I was doing the right thing, helping as much as I could.
But there was one final kick to the gut for me – and what a great one!
My property manager abused me, she told me I had done this on purpose (WHAT?!) She said she didn’t understand how I could I come up with money for carpet & bond cleaning and not give her rent? (I didn’t come up with it, I borrowed it). She asked why I hadn’t I contact them earlier and come up with a plan (Ahh.. I did contact you, you told me if I didn’t come up with ALL arrears, I would be evicted).
She was condescending, rude and just utterly horrible.
I was devastated. I was vulnerable. I had hit the bottom.
BUT that meant there was only up from here….
*Part 8 coming soon*